Turmoil in Progress: January 2010

Hedwig and the Angry Inch

I never knew this movie musical would be so good. The songs are phenomenal.

There's this song called "The Origin of Love" and I swear it's a masterpiece. It's like every question I had about love and destiny were suddenly answered. I felt lighter. I feel like everything is clearer. Thanks to Hedwig. :)

Here's the video of the song, subbed with the lyrics. I hope you'll like it as much as I did. :) Enjoy.

The Origin of Love

Last time I saw you, we just split in two

you was looking at me, I was looking at you

you had a look so familiar, I could not recognize

cause you have blood in your face, I had blood in my eyes

but I could swear by your expression

that the pain down in your soul is the same one down in mine

that's the pain that cuts a straight line down through the hearts

and we all it Love...

Run Lola Run

And again another movie with powerful words. "Lola Rennt" or "Run Lola Run" is a 1998 German film. It shows how our choices affects everything that will happen. The smallest things that you do can change everything in bigger ways. Just like the movie "Next" by Nicholas Cage.

Whats good about this movie is that it has more running than talking. And when they talk, it's brief and powerful. Although the plot is very simple, it is not as predictable as I thought it would be. I typed in some of the lines in the movie. :)

"What if you never met me?... You'd be saying the same thing to someone else.."

"What would you do if I died?"

"I don't know. It's a stupid question."

"I know what you'd do. You'd forget me. What else could you do? Sure, you'd mourn for a few weeks. Not a bad idea. And everybody's really compassionate.. and everything's so incredibly sad, and everyone feels sorry for you. You can show everyone how strong you are. "What a great woman", they'll say. And all at once this really nice guy with green eyes shows up. And he's super sensitive, listens to you all day. And you can talk his ear off. Then you'd hop on his lap and cross me off your list. That's how it goes."

When it comes to loving someone, is everyone really this replaceable?

I've been in a lot of relationships before. When I think about it, on those moments, I felt this.. Love. but now that we've broken up, I am feeling this Love again to someone else. Did it mean that I didn't really mean what I felt my ex? Was it all fake? Did my Love for them just faded away? And how do we really know if it's the "genuine" love?

I guess this Love is a really really big thing. It cannot be contained or even be defined in words. I guess it's never meant to be thought about.. You just have to experience it, and feel it. I guess it's too early for me to be defining what it really is. :) Let's go and fall in Love! :)

Manila Manila

Manila, Manila, I keep coming back to Manila.. Simply no place like Manila.. Manila, I'm coming home..

Sometimes, I miss Manila. Specially when I hear news or see pictures about it. I remember the old times. When I was younger. When we used to place on the streets. When we go out and dance in the rain. When I ride the jeepneys and tricycles. When me and the guys wait up the alley and gang up on someone and take their money and cellphone.. -- [O.O] Kidding! -- Good times.. good times..

I never thought there would come a day that I would miss waking up in the morning and eat pan de sal and sinangag, or walking by the bumpy allies and streets, or drinking soda in a plastic bag, or ride the MRT, or just hang out with friends.. I thought those days would never end..

Manila. I grew up in Sampaloc, Manila. I lived in Manila from the day I was born 'til I was 8 years old. We used to live on the 3rd floor of an apartment building. I remember how high our floor was. When I came back to our place in Sampaloc when I was 14, The rails from our terrace was up to my waist, but when I was younger I remember those rails to be taller than me!

But then we moved a lot inside Metro Manila - Quezon City, Mandaluyong City, Makati City, but everywhere is the same in Metro Manila. There's always a lot of things to do. You'll always have good friends. There will always be some drama. There will always be something to eat. There will always be home. [I miss the drama. lol]

Sad Movie

So, I was watching more sad movies last night. I saw an Ashton Kutcher movie, "A Lot Like Love," which failed to make me cry. I saw on an online review that it was a good sad movie but it didn't work for me. I think it was stupid. This is one of those movies you would forget over the weekend. Nothing but a repressed movie.

Anyway, I saw "Sad Movie," a korean movie, right after watching the stupid movie I was talking about a while ago. And, at last, a good sad movie that made me wet my pillow last night. It was a story of 8 people and how sad their lives were. Some of the lines were good. It made me cry and whine.

"You are lucky you can tell him you love him.." [said the mute sister, as she tried to speak]

She was totally right. We sometimes don't realize how lucky we are that we could fully show our emotions to others. I felt really sorry for the mute sister and for myself. I cried while she was trying to say those words.

I was really touched by the mother and son in the movie. It really showed how much a mother would sacrifice for her son. It showed how much of a person a mother could be. And it showed how much a son could care and love his mother. It was so painful.

Anyway, I've had enough of sad movies for now. I need to focus on a lot of things. I need to get another job, and enter school, and move out of here. I wish I could feel more relaxed. I would rather spend the whole day in front of a computer than deal with lots of difficult people. I want to start a computer career. My life is sad. [heheh] I'm glad I have a few people by my side who could turn my frown upside-down. Thank you.

Untamed Heart

Update about the last post I made. About the sad movies I said I wanted to watch. The thing is. The first movie I saw was so good it hurts so much. I felt like I didn't need to watch anymore.

Untamed Heart. 1993. Fuck the lines of this movie. Christian Slater and Marisa Tomei. I think I don't know who these actors are, but they're good. Definitely made me cry. Definitely.

"I was wondering if you think about me.. half as much as I think about you.."

"I'm afraid if they take my heart I won't be able to love you the same.. you are my peace.."

"You love with your mind and your soul.. not actually with your heart.."

"But why does it hurt so much here when you're not with me.."

"I've fallen.. I've fallen so much in love with you.. so much more than I told you I would.."

One Last Cry ;)

I've been feeling so emotionally disturbed. There's these emotions inside me that wants to be free. I wanna cry tonight. I wanna let it out. Every sad feeling that I have. All my frustrations, disappointments, loss, heartbreak, insanity, and loneliness.. I will cry it all out.

I will be renewed. Refreshed. With focus.

I will let go of all my worries. I will take risk and take the plunge. I will be free. :)

And to help me let it all out, I will be watching some very sad movies tonight. Wish me luck.

"I know I gotta be strong, 'Cause around me life goes on and on.."

One Last Cry - Marina Elali

The Lovely Bones

“These were the lovely bones that had grown around my absence: the connections - sometimes tenuous, sometimes made at great cost, but often magnificent - that happened after I was gone. And I began to see things in a way that let me hold the world without me in it. The events that my death wrought were merely the bones of a body that would become whole at some unpredictable time in the future. The price of what I came to see as this miraculous body had been my life.”

I love this line.

What if you were to die today? What do you believe will happen next? What will happen to you and everyone around you? What happens to the things you have been building all your life? Where will you go? How do you move on? These questions are like the ultimate questions of our existence. A lot of us avoid this questions because we are afraid to find the answers.. Strong answers that would shake us.

There is one thing that's sure about death though.. After you die, the world will not stop from turning. People will still keep moving on. And the moments you left in this world, the impact of your life -- and death -- to other people who knew you, will change their lives forever...

Who's Your Doggy?!

Do you have a pet? What's his name? Is it Max? Spot? Benjie? C'mon guys! You can do better than that! There's a lot of pet names that has been used over and over, and it's just sad. Think about being born in a world where you can't be yourself, a world where everyone is either a John or a Jane. That sucks. So please, guys. If you're gonna name a pet, be creative, at least. Your pet will love you for it. :D

So, how do we become creative with our pet's name? As a spontaneous person like myself, I loved naming my pets with random things that comes to my mind. I named my last goldfish "Porkchop". I named two of our cats as "Mom" and "Dad" [Inay at Itay]. (Just imagine how it would sound when I call for them at night, right?)

In my lifetime, We had soooooo many pets. We had dogs, cats, mice, birds, lizards, fish, pigs, lice, worms, pigs, spiders, you name it.. Our family has always been pet lovers. I think it's different when you grow up having pets. You become kinder and more sensitive. There was a time when a kitten fell to our backyard. We cared for it and welcomed it in our home. A few months later, we just realized we had 24 cats already. Each of them with a name different than the other. How do we know who's who? We named them after their markings. Do you know those inkblots the Psychologist show people, and ask them what it is? It's kinda like that.

Why become creative with a pet's name? Well, you can always be a mediocre pet owner, right? I think one of the advantages of having a cool pet's name is that it's always a good icebreaker. Specially when a boring person. [lol] If you find yourself in an akward situation, you can always say, "I named my dog Herpes." or "Last night I was dreaming about Porkchops."

Personally, I think the name Herpes is the bomb. I read someone named his dog Herpes and he was like, ""hey my Herpes broke out last night, have you seen it?", "I didn't want to give Herpes to my sister but my mom said I had to.", "The thing about Herpes is once you have him you'll never let him go!", "I had to pay $600 for Herpes shots today!", and "My Herpes broke out and put my neighbor in the hospital." This is hilarious! xD [thanks tshp]

So, what are good pet names? Well, there are these names that demand attention like: Hey, Hey You, Left, Right, Help, Stop, Psycho, Snatcher, or Bomb. Or you can name them as people like: Mister, Miss, Baby, Mr.President, your teacher's name, someone you knew, your neighbor's name, or your neighbor's cat name[if you have a dog]. This two categories are good if you and your pet our outside. People will definitely look at you. Or arrest you. You can also name them as food like: Spaghetti, Carrot, Onion, Apple Juice, Porkchop, Chowder, Coke, or whatever your favorite [or least favorite] food is. You can also name them with random terms, places, phrases, or event like: 4 hours, iPod, Destroyer, Herpes, Agent 99, It's complicated, Burger King, Johnny Depp, Ultra Killatron Omega 5000X, Elven_Master051, or even Chuck Norris. Anything.

The sky is the limit to having a BadAss name for your pet. Just make sure the name fits on their tags. And please, no obscene or insulting names. It's for your own good.

Just Trippin'

Last weekend, I met my boyfriend's cousin, Claudio, and his wife, Yuka. We had a lot of fun touring San Francisco, Santa Cruz, and Monterey. Monterey is like the Clam Chowder capital of America. In every store/restaurant, they will give a sample of their Secret Clam Chowder.

Thanks for the wondurful time, guys! Happy Anniversary! And Congratulations! Hope to see you again soon. :)

A week before that I met Sidney's other cousin, Claudio's brother, Danilo and his wife, Fernanda. We had lots of fun in San Francisco! Thanks for sharing with me the joy of Jumping Pics.

Shaking the Shackles 2...

I feel so sad.. How can doing something good turn out to be something bad.. or unwanted..

It's not like I have a vice or anything...

I'm no smoker..

I don't drink that much...

I don't spend compulsively..

Put your money where your mouth is..

Why don't you do the things you say?

All I wanted is to make you smile..

But still you took it the wrong way...

I am still the wrong one..

Bioshocked

Bioshock is the best game I've ever laid my hands on. First to Final Fantasy VII: Crisis Core. I can't believe this game existed until last year. And it was up and available since 2007. I used to think that the XBox console sucks. I don't think that anymore. I completely misjudged the console and was completely biased, jaundiced for the PlayStation systems..

The story really captured me. It made me feel. It made me a part of Rapture.

If Rapture would exist, I would definitely want to experience it and move in. A city where man would not fear the censor. A place with no discrimination and morality. Where everyone would be equal. No one is higher than anyone. Everyone is important. But this is, of course, just a dream. Such place could never exist. Man would always be drawn to curiosity and evil. There will always be a hunger for power, and a lust for self-fulfillment. And by realizing the difference between good and evil, we make a choice between the two. Although, I believe, man is born good, he is also corruptible, vulnerable. Thus, will make Rapture to inevitably fall.

I felt so serious on the last paragraph. [LOL!] It's just my way of wishing i could do a lot of things more than what I am capable of. [LOL]

I enjoyed a lot of memorable lines from the game. The lines from this game is priceless. Here are my favorite ones:

"A man chooses, a slave obeys"

"We all make choices in life, but in the end our choices make us."

"What is the difference between a man and a parasite? A man builds. A parasite asks 'Where is my share?' A man creates. A parasite says, 'What will the neighbors think?' A man invents. A parasite says, 'Watch out, or you might tread on the toes of God..."

""No Gods. No Kings. Only Men.""

Why does the Tiger have Stripes?

There's an ancient legend that tells the story. When a tiger cub is born, he doesn't have a single stripe anywhere. In fact, to look at him, he really isn't much of a tiger at all.

Still, the little cub starts to explore and have adventures. He starts to grow, and he starts to learn. He learns courage, and kindness, and how to think for himself. He learns all the things a cub has to learn, if he's really going to be a real tiger, the lord of the jungle.

And as he learns, the legend says, everyone starts to see his stripes. The stripes that are the mark of his maturity, wisdom, and pride.

The way of the Tiger:

A tiger cub who takes a stumble quickly learns to pick himself up and dust himself off.

A cub can feel afraid, it's only natural. That's when he finds the courage to face down his fears.

Everyone wants to know what this cub has to say for himself. He tells them, whenever they'll listen.

A smart cub knows where to find shelter. A kind one makes room and shares it with his friends.

Every creature the curious cub meets is different, everyone unique and fascinating.

This cub enjoys nothing better than making new friends and doing things together.

The tiger begins to see his place in the world. He starts to find out who he is, and see all he might do.

Growing stronger, the tiger is proud to be able to help others when they're in danger.

The path of life has many pitfalls. But the tiger is smart, and solves problem ingeniously.

As he's growing up, the tiger gladly care for the younger ones.

Climb higher, go further, achieve more. This is the tiger's creed. He never stops being himself for a moment.

The tiger leads, others follow because they see his strength and wisdom.

Glad to be born on the year of the Tiger. :)

[500] Days of Summer

I saw 500 days of summer last year. I had a chance to see it again on Blu-ray last yesterday. :) I really like this Movie. It really teaches a lot about things that you should consider when you are [or you just think you are] in a relationship with someone. I took some of the most memorable quotes from the movie:

"Look, I know you think she was the one, but I don't. Now, I think you're just remembering the good stuff. Next time you look back, I, uh, I really think you should look again."

There's this saying that "never make a decision when you are happy or angry, you might regret it." It's like buying something from TV [TV Shopping], before making the purchase, wait for 10 minutes. Give yourself some time to adjust from the trance of the high quality marketing. Ask yourself if you really need it, or how much do you want it. It's the same when choosing to love someone [or entering a relationship], give it some time before you actually decide on being together, or living together, or marrying, or having children.

"Most days of the year are unremarkable. They begin, and they end, with no lasting memories made in between. Most days have no impact on the course of a life. May 23rd was a Wednesday."

I really do believe in this. From the 365 days in a year, how much of the days do you remember? When are the days that really hit you? Which are the days that contributed to where you are now? Me, I can barely remember the weekdays of last year, but most of the memorable times of last year happened on a weekend. :) They say Tuesday is the most productive day of the week, because on Monday you are still dealing with the shock, Wednesday is getting over the hump [almost halfway], Thursday is when you anticipate Friday, and Friday is all about the weekend. :D

"This is lies. We are liars. Think about it. Why do people buy cards? It's not because they want to say how they feel. People buy cards because they can't say they feel or are afraid to. And we provide the service that let's them off the hook. You know what? I say to hell with it. Let's level with America. Or at least let them speak for themselves. Right? People should be able to say how they feel - how they really feel - not, you know, some words that some strangers put in their mouths."

The line said it all. :) For me, I do give cards to people but I don't give them as is, I always write a letter on a separate paper and clip it inside the card. It's like saying, "Hey I saw this card and you are all I think about when I read it, and I want to share it with you." And my letter will say everything else. :)

"I woke up one morning and I just knew. [Tom: Knew what?] What I was never sure of with you."

This line is a bitch. If someone would tell me this line I will lose it. Like, "What did i do for you to treat me like this?" I think no one deserves to be played upon with their feelings. If you don't like me, you should tell me up front. And if someone tells you they are not into, I think they really meant it. Moving on is hard, but it is the only way to go on. Don't give up. Better days are on their way if you have the guts to look them. :)

I am Gamer.

I can't even remember how it all started. The First game that I remember playing was Tetris from those portable consoles that my grandfather used to buy. It only plays tetris and I always try to beat the Hi-Score. I think they still sell those consoles on flea markets for like a dollar or something. It was really entertaining at that time.

Then came the Famicom. I remember playing Super Mario Bros with my siblings, taking turn with Mario and Luigi. I LOVED playing the Famicom. I got a lot of cartridges at the time. But of course I still play the portable Tetris game.

Then one day, I got this gift from my dad. I can't really remember if it was my birthday, but still I got myself a Nintendo Gameboy. The big fat monochromish console. That time my first Gameboy games were Super Mario World, The Amazing Spiderman, Tetris [Again], and Dick Tracy. xD

Then there was the Gameboy Color. Finally a console with colors! I got the Teal color. I didn't get to have the Gameboy Pocket which is the lower version of the Gameboy color because my Gameboy was still good. My dad gave me the Gameboy color because I saw my Step-brother playing with it and I got jealous and wanted to keep his Gamebboy color. heheh. First game on this console was Pokemon. The Yellow Pikachu Version of Pokemon. I think I spent most of my game time playing Pokemon Yellow and Silver. [Pikachu!]

Every so often, when I got some change, me and my brother would usually go out and play on the Arcades. We played games like Street Fighter, Marvel, Marvel vs Capcom. It was a lot of fun! Oh I think there was Metal Slug as well. Versus or Co-op, we're on!

I think it was my Birthday again so it's time for another console. But now I'm getting a larger one. Sony's PlayStation [PSX]. This console shaped my gaming future. I started playing RPG games from this console. One of my first RPG's were Breath of Fire III and Final Fantasy VII. But I was pretty stupid at the time, I didn't know what romance is, or the things that were happening on the Games. I have an idea of what I was doing and playing but I didn't really get the whole story until later on, when I reached High School. At this time, I didn't play much Arcades anymore because we can always play Multiplayer Fighting games at home. The First game i ever finished on this console was Crash Bandicoot Warped. And the first game I ever played on this console was Spyro, the Dragon.

Although I didn't have these console for myself, I have experience playing the Nintendo 64 and the Sega Dreamcast for some time. I remember playing Donkey Kong Island on the N64 and Sonic the Hedgehog on the Dreamcast. Pretty cool consoles but I don't have the resources and luck to get them.

Then came a time for portable games again. My dad gave my another Nintendo console, the Gameboy Advance. I got the Indigo one. [Woohoo!] I remeber playing The New Super Mario Bros. game on this one. Then my HighSchool bestfriend gave me Golden Sun for Christmas! Thanks, Dong! The cartridges are a lot smaller for this console but you can still play older Gameboy games so it was cool. I played a lot of Pokemons again from this console. Pokemon Ruby and Sapphire. This was the last console my dad gave me.

Our first personal computer came before the Gameboy Advance but I didn't use it for games at the time. I only used it for school and porn purposes. The first game I played on the PC was this math game which I don't know what the title is. I played on the computer at school but i couldn't play it anywhere else. I played Solitaire or Minesweeper though. After some Computer lessons from school, I started playing online games. MMORPG's. the first MMO game I played was Ragnarok. I was playing a lot of online games at the time including Conquer Onlline, MapleStory, and Flyff: Fly for Fun!

Online games were great but it became quite boring and repetitive. I wanted something with an ending. My mom then bought a PlayStation 2 [PS2]. I also played the PSone which is the smaller version of the PlayStation [PSX] but it was not mine. It was my nephew's. But there's really not much different form PSX. This is the time I realized that I am a hard-core gamer [lol]. I played more Final Fantasy games here. I played Valkyrie Profile, Fatal Frame, Need for Speed, to name a few. I have limitless games. And I loved it.

I sold my PS2 for stupid reasons. After that I've been back to playing MMORPG's with a new computer. I played Warcraft, CounterStrike, and more MapleStory and Flyff.. But then my nephews bought another PS2 from which I get my daily share of PlayStation Madness. I didn't care much about other consoles that I didn't have. I used to think XBox Sucks. [I don't think that anymore.] I sticked with my Gameboy Advance for a while, and then I get to play Gameboy SP and Gameboy Micro, both are not mine. But no one seemed to play them so I play with them anyways. At this time I was in to the dating and romance phase so I my gaming time was cut in half. [or even more!]

I played the Nintendo DS first hand from my Desktop Computer using an emulator which I downloaded online. I played some of the early DS games like Pokemon Diamond and Pearl, Final Fantasy Tactics A2, Cooking Mama, and a whole lot more. Getting the Roms was as easy as making Jell-O. You pick the game you want, Let it download, and after a few minutes, you got your game ready to play! :) I don't do this anymore.

The next console that I laid my hands on was the Playstation Portable [PSP]. It was not mine. I kinda borrowed it from my ex but i didn't get to return it. I even got it robbed from me. [I am Evil..] But as much as I had my ex's PSP with me, I enjoyed it very much. I played a lot of games on the PSP. Memorable ones are Final Fantasy VII: Crisis Core, Yu-Gi-Oh, DJ Max [love it!], and some games from the PSX that was converted so you can play them on the PSP. How cool is that?

When I came to the US, my second cousin has a Nintendo Wii, which I played for a short while. His games were for kids, like Mario Kart, and Crayola Land, and Wii some other Kid's games that I dont really remember the name. The Wii was a lot of fun, I should say. I wish i could play more of the Wii with more Mature games.

And then, my Boyfriend gave me a DSi. It was the first time I touched a DS system, and it had 2 cameras. :D The DSi was pretty cool. The touch screen feature was a new experience. It was awesome. I played GTA: Chinatown wars, Metal Slug, and Elite Beat Agents [which is a really cool game, by the way.]

A few more months I get to play with our XBox 360. It really really really erased my impression that XBox sucked. It was way better than the PS2 in terms of graphics and sound quality. But I have to say that Playstation has a better variety of Games than the XBox. Anyway, Bioshock hit me like a big yellow school bus. I love it. I am playing Lips, a singing game, right now and it was pretty cool. You get to play it with a Microphone. [I love to Sing!] Call of Duty is awesome as well. I am still playing the XBox 360 whenever I go home to Oakland. Can't wait to play more games!

Last Christmas, my boyfriend traded me his DSi for the new PSP Go. [At last, a PSP of my own!] It is so cool. The graphics are much better than the older PSP consoles and the DSi. Sound quality is a lot better as well. I am currently playing Rock Band Unplugged, Patapon 2, and Final Fantasy VIII [which was a PSX game].

I think that's it. I might have missed some consoles and I remember, I will edit this post.

I am Gamer.

Past the point of No Return..

I feel like I'm really getting into deep..

I feel that there is no saving this..

I am already a part of this whole thing..

And the people are really rooting for me...

To take care of something they held so precious..

I wish not to break anything..

I wish you could see me..

Start looking at me..

As the one..

"You have brought me to that moment..

When words run dry.. to that moment..

When speech disappears.. into silence..."

Shaking the Shackles...

Fuck You!

Who are you to hurt me like this?!

I gave you everything..

I gave you all the time I could give..

I sacrificed a lot of things for you..

and you treat me like this?!

Fuck You!

Find someone who would meet your demands..

Find someone who will meet your expectations..

Find what makes you complete..

I won't take this anymore..