My Early Suppressed Memories..
I can't believe how sad it feels being left alone..
It's sad to see people who became part of your life..
It's sadder to see them happy.. without you in their lives..
It made me think how much things would change if I never existed at all..
I bet things would be so much happier for everyone..
And you try to cheer yourself up..
But it hurts inside.. like a wound that won't fucking close..
I remember these thoughts.. I had them since I was a child..
I never really felt I belonged to anyone when I was a kid..
My grandfather would always tell everyone that I don't belong to the family..
That I'm a mistake.. a disgrace.. a no one..
I remember he would hurt me..
I remember him punching, hitting me..
I remember he slammed a chair on me and broke..
My mom would sometimes get in a fight with my grandfather..
But mostly, I would just run away to a corner and cry..
My dad was never there.. I didn't even know he existed..
I kept thinking that I am not a real son..
I thought I was adopted.. Iba talaga kapag anak ka sa labas..
I thought about running away or killing myself..
I guess this is the reason why I didn't get to be "Astigin" when I was a kid..
I isolated myself.. most of the people I grew up with became strong..
most of them have families now..
I never want them to ever see me again..
Anyway.. right now, the saddest part of all is..
The people that once made things easier..
The people I shared my life with..
They already forgot about me.. Suppressed.. the memories..
It's like nothing ever happened..
Thanks for the memories though..
I hope we never get to see each other again..
And if ever we did.. I hope not to remember..
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1 comments:
Hmph ikaw kaya ang kumalimot sakin. we were close pa naman nung high school... *hugz* I miss you so much my friend...
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